green with envy OR patience is a virtue

May 18, 2009 at 8:06 pm (Food for Thought, X's and O's) (, , , , )

Jealousy is such a powerful feeling. It drives the world, and it drives the world crazy.  What are you jealous about?  There are so many things out there that you want but can’t have, and even these things change all the time.  What do you want now but can’t have?  Can you get it later, or will you never have the chance?

People who know me would say I’m generally a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of girl who tends to have a smile on her face. Mostly. So what makes me jealous? What pushes me over the edge into sulking self-loathing? Hah, maybe ‘sulking self-loathing’ is pretty harsh.  I’m not the kind of person to be put down for too long, and I am SO thankful for that attribute (I think it has to do with my spacey-ness though).  Even when I was heart-broken, I found myself pulling through it a lot faster than I would have ever thought I could.  So what am I jealous about?

I don’t have a problem with people who are prettier than me, have prettier clothes than me, are more popular than me, have more money than me.  Maybe momentarily, yes, but in the end I know I’ll go absolutely berserk if I had any of it.  I’m fine with the way I am.  The one thing that I do see and pine for is a happy ending.  I have so many amazing friends who have found their person.  Their person who utterly completes them and makes them happy enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with that person.  Their stories are adorable, romantic, happy…and I just want it all. I want it now (or soon enough, anyway).

And when in doubt, there is always someone or something to ‘blame’ for why things are the way they are.  I blame Walt Disney.  Girls grow up dreaming they were princesses and fairies, etc.  We watch Disney’s movies countless amounts of hours on end idolizing the girls on screen, aching  to grow up just like them.  And who do we see next to them? Sleeping Beauty and her Prince Phillipe,  Ariel and her Prince Eric, Cinderella and Prince Charming, Belle and her own Beast Prince, Pocahontas and her John Smith, heck – even Nala got her Simba.  So where is my Prince Charming? I want my own Prince Charming! Someone who knows me for me and will never want to stop knowing more about me.  Someone who can always find a way to make me laugh and be happy (I would gladly return the favor).  So while I’m so incredibly happy for my friends and family for finding their people, I wish I could be in their places with my own special personal Prince Charming.  Maybe time and patience is the solvent for jealousy.  Perhaps it just isn’t my time yet or perhaps fairytales are rare and only meant for select few.  Damnit Disney for giving so much hope to girls all over the world!


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